Monday, February 8, 2016

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Letting Go

You Can't Un-Say It


I will never understand why some people must make themselves out to look like the victim. It really is an incredibly sad state of mine. I'm not referring to people who do became victims but the ones who have had a hard life and have opportunities to be and live better but choose to have reasons to stay miserable or play the victim when things don't go their way. 

 So everything was set and ready to go. One day before we were to buy a cargo van and would start to customize it. After several weeks of research and discussion and then the last week of discussing concerns and back up plans and what ifs he suddenly changes his mind. Which is hard and hurtful but ok... but then he breaks his side of the deal. We agreed that I would work as his account manager and do several different types of projects and in exchange he would help me buy a van. I kept my side of the deal for the last two years. Not only acting as his account manager but his personal cook and consultant. I made sure his future is secure but when it came to securing mine - he backed out. 2 1/2 years together and he just throws it all away.   Then tells a couple of our closest friends untrue things about me. Then he wants to get back together after saying them.... No 

It doesn't matter what I gave up because I choose him over traveling. What hurts the most is the lost trust and betrayal. I genuinely believed that he was one of the very few people left that can and should be trusted... and I was wrong. So am I mad at him or myself or both?  Both. Because I should have been preparing for a rainy day. I shouldn't have depended on him to keep his promise. 

He lives in and for his fear of what people think of him. He holds onto it as a child holds onto a teaddy bear and tells himself the same old lies that most people tell them self about "someday I will..."  

I have the unfortunates luck of having medical problems. One issue in particular, doctors can't figure out. No medicine seems to improve it and or whatever is the actual cause cannot be found. I've already been told more then once that someday (not maybe) I will have a heart attack because I take too much. So what are my options? 

I can sit at home and continue to go to doctor appointments for tests that continue to be inconclusive or negative never solving or discovering the problem and being miserable. Or I can continue to live with it as I have been but live a lot happier. Nothing changes accept my level of happiness. Why should I or anyone for that matter choose to be miserable simply because society tells us it's normal.  The majority of humans have turned into pill popping, inhaler using, needle-ok, yummy liquid medicine drinking drones ... we feed the industry monster of bad health. 

Meanwhile rents, traffic, food all continue to be more expensive while the quality of these things decreases...and the majority say "what can I do about it?" 

Depression, robberies,mental illness, murder, rage and suicide statistics are rising..and the majority say "what can I do about it?" 

There's not much I can do about it. I don't have the physical means to be protester and I no longer have the endurance to fight emotionally against the powers behind the mammoth of society, but I can change. 

The Butterfly Effect is a concept that small causes can have large effects. What if... enough people choose to refuse to live in misery and choose to live life differently and are brave enough to not care what society thinks of them. More people are choosing tiny homes, RV homes and van dwelling. Not out of desperate times but because they can no longer make sense of the insanity of  $1,000 + monthly rent (or mortgage) for a home with bad neighbors, worrying about walking to/from home and all of the other craziness called "normal." 


Normal Is Dead

















Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Buying Your Van Dwelling Home

Because I'm JUST A Girl


Finding a cargo van is the hardest part!  I thought the hardest part was going to be installing insulation, making a platform or Murphy style bed or even scrubbing down the cargo area and installing a floor. NOPE. The hardest part is emailing and calling about a van. In Los Angeles area...I'm curious if it's just as difficult in other areas... most sellers do not want to provide the VIN (Vehicle Identification Number.) The VIN doesn't report everything and it's not always 100% accurate, but it is one level of safety for the buyer.

Craig's List ad: 1994 ford econoline 250, no accident, clean title, pink slip, clean carfax ready to work and no problems

TRUTH: A VIN number check can reveal that it's a 1994  that is a salvaged title and hasn't been registered for 2 years. That is an expensive project

One of the older vans I looked at looked horrible on the outside but great on the inside. It had a lot of miles on it - over 200,000 but I had no problem painting it or updating it but I wanted to know what the engine was like. We agreed that I would pay him $20 to take it to my mechanic for a checkup. SO glad I did.


  • Not registered in California and expired tags
  • The converter was not legal in the state of California 
  • Major fluid leak 
  • Needed new tires and all of the small things to get it up to date
  • Weight report was required 


They wanted $1,500 but after all of the above repairs it would have cost me over $3,000 just to make it legal & safe. Not worth it.

I did go to more experienced dwellers and asked them about the resistance to providing the VIN. There were two majority of opinions.
1) If they won't provide the VIN they may be hiding something
2) If your a serious buyer then meet them to see the van & then get it.

My problem for me is that I live in Los Angeles County. On average, it takes 45 minutes to drive 15 miles during high traffic days / hours. If a car is more then 15 miles it can be a real pain in the ass. Los Angeles is grudgingly known as the city of scams so you cannot trust someone selling anything because they want to get rid of it. Be even more weary if they say "trust me."


OK - Play the game. 

I'm not a mechanic but I know a little from research, talking and hanging out with guys around cars (I'm a tomboy) and because I've always asked questions when I take the car in. Because I've been ignored as a woman responding to ads I now mostly respond from my boyfriend's account (who has no mechanical knowledge.) I contact someone who is selling what looks and sounds like something I'm interested in. He says call me and I'll give you the VIN so I call...First question from him - Are you calling for your husband? Because he may have questions you don't know to ask.
Eve Kobayashi, from Yorkdale Toyota dealership. Article from thestar.com


REALLY!? It's 2016 not 1886!